is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
