I cannot find my penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
