just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
