Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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