I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
