make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
