FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
