i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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