I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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