I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
