i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
