Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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