Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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