But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
