My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
