On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its not stalking. its research.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
