Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
