I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
