He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.