I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper