I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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