yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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