we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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