Plan B is the new Plan A
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want to be your penis for a week.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
