i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
