I'm eating all of the evidence.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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