my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How does one acquire holy water?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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