then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
