We're like a lot better than the average bears
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
