Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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