is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
