I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
