I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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