if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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