I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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