Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I need moral support for this bender
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
