Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The power of my boobs compel you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
