My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
