the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
