I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
