I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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