We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
