This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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