Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
