every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
