1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At least make sure they are 18
Why
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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