i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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