the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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