Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
home. puking in laundry basket.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
