Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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