The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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