how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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