I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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