'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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