i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
