Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
