so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ugly people sure do ruin things
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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