you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
