Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
