Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
