i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
