Plan B is the new Plan A
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
