Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I met the friendliest cop last night
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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