I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
