ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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