bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
