WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
