Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
