Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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