So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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