Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
