Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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