Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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