What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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