Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
